Well we ain't in Kentucky no more, I can tell you that. Never heard of a cave this big, and sure as hell ain't heard of no glowing rocks. Even Uncle Chester'd be pinching himself if he could see this, and he thinks a tribe of mutant squirrels runs the government.
Good news: I ain't in this boat alone. Bad news: I'm sharing it with a bunch of know-it-all city boys and one quiet city girl. Maybe they know what's what in a classroom, but they're all wet behind the ears when it comes to real survival. Man versus nature and all that.
Looks like it'll be up to me to save the day then. Like my pappy always said: if you want a cat skinned right, do it your damn self.